August 18, 2005

• it's been such a stressful couple of weeks lately. some of it because of work and some of it because of family stuff back home in LA.  work stuff is manageable.  just go to work, do the work and then leave the work stress / headache / stupidity back at work.  as for family, it's been a bit tougher only because i'm all the way up here in the bay area.   during quarter end a few weeks ago, when my sister was flying up to watch mila one day, she told me what happened to my grandfather. he fell one day and hadn't been taking too much nutrition for some reason and had to be hospitalized because of the injuries as well as the fact that he has no real muscle mass from the lack of nutrition.  since being in the hospital for almost 3 weeks, he was stable enough that they transferred him to a convalescent home. i went home this past weekend to see the family.  this was the first time in a long time that i was actually glad to be home.  all the other times i went because it was required of me or because it was some family holiday celebration.  this time i went because i knew that if i didn't go and something happened before i was able to have a chance to go, then i would regret it and kick myself in the ass.  when we visited him at the convalescent home, i really didn't get to say or do much with him. he saw us walk through the door and just closed his eyes. i think he was really tired because my aunt went earlier that day and took him outside to get some fresh air and some sun.  i guess that wore him out. but it was good to see him.  according to my father he looks like he's gained some weight and has the color back in his face.  my sister asked me how he looked and i answered that i honestly didn't know because i didn't have anything to compare it to.  he still looked frail and skinny to me.  but i supposed i should take my family's word since they go see him daily.

  since my grandfather's accident, i've been hit with a huge dose of reality. how fragile life is and how much i take for granted.  i realized that i need to slow down and enjoy the little things in life.  i have also realized how much my family really means to me even though they sometimes can be overbearing or drive me absolutely crazy or a bit on the loopy / crazy side when it comes to my life and my life choices. i know they mean well but sometimes i need to fall flat on my face before i can really soak in the lesson.  i guess this impending trip to chicago will do me well.  it's the vacation i will probably need for myself, my relationship with ed and for my little family - mila, ed and myself.

   

  • 6:20 pm
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