i love the new COMMON CD…   been listening to it nonstop the whole day…  ed loves it too.. more soulful.. i like soulful… k, gonna post more later… no time.. .. gotta pretend to be busy with work… 

thanks to everyone for their sweet comments about my last entry… we talked… we’re trying to do better…  it’s just a matter of time for us to make the time for each other and work on the things that for each of us is a dealbreaker….  the important thing is that we want this to work…  all right.. gotta get back to work… peace!!!

feeling so confused and so upset at the moment… don’t know how i’ll get over this nagging feeling that was expressed this past weekend…  but i do know that we have to talk to clear the air and get things straight…  it just hurts right now… maybe tonight it’ll be cleared up…  i hope so.. because i don’t want to feel like this anymore.. maybe i’m overanalyzing… maybe i’m just really upset and emotional… who knows… i just hate this feeling… 

i decided to get this wallet online from fossil.com…  the other wallet that i bought from sharper image came in yesterday and it’s cool but it wasn’t what i was expecting… this one looks more like the one that i pictured in my little head…  so when this one comes in, then i’ll decide which one i want to give to ed for his father’s day present and which one i will return… 

helping to plan a baby shower for a friend of mine… i have to go get the baby shower game paraphernalia…  diapers, baby food, mini clothes pins, paper, pens & pencils (these three i can get from work!!!  )  i also have to think about what kinds of prizes i can get for the people that win the games.. i dunno.. what the heck am i supposed to do with that?  i have no clue.. i’ll ask my best friend for some guidance…  i know!!! i can get some gift cards from jamba juice, starbucks, borders, etc… gosh, when i actually put my mind to things i can think of some good stuff… okay, i think the cookies that i ate — the sugar got to my little head…  it must be because i worked out at 6am this morning.. went to a spinning class and i’ve been hungry all day even though i have been eating throughout the day…  but this is what i have to do to get my pre-mila body back…  here i come skinny jeans!!!! 

god i am so smart…  i know i am tooting my horn today… but i figured out how to save the stuff that was on my old t616 cell phone that i managed to douse with water…  i really thought i fried the hell out of that little phone… but one day over the memorial day weekend, the alarm went off… so i turned it off — alarm and phone.. come to find out that it took some time to dry out the circuits, etc… but i didn’t want to take a chance that it would work intermittently… so today i figured out that i could send MMS (multimedia messages) from my old phone to an email address!!!!  god i am a genius…   i crack me up…  but seriously, i was actually a little upset before i figured this out because the little voice messages i recorded of mila are something i wanted to keep for posterity’s sake… it’s one of those things that make me such a sappy mommy… heehee…

here is the phone that cingular sent me as a replacement.. it looks similar to my old phone but it’s in a black case.. i guess it’s cool… it’s different and has different functionality than the t616 but who cares… it works and hasn’t been doused with water yet… thank god i had the foresight to purchase handset insurance… because when it comes to electronics, i am the biggest clumsy dork… 

i really cannot stand tom cruise… i hate his smug little smiley face when he is talking about whatever… or his obnoxious ugly laugh whenever he finds something remotely funny… besides the fact i hate his acting… what really bugs me the most are the idiotic, insensitive comments he made about brooke shields and her journey through postpartum depression… who the f*ck died and made him god let alone a doctor?  how is it that a guy who has no clue what a woman goes through in pregnancy able to comment about what she may or may not be going through when he has no medical schooling but only the belief of an author named l. ron hubbard?  oh my god… he really irks me…   i’m glad that brooke shields fired back at his ignorant ass about postpartum depression… unless he has been through a mother’s shoes, he needs to shut up and stick to things he knows best… i suppose i’m to say “acting, etc… “  but that is questionable to me…  being a mother myself who went through a pretty seamless pregnancy and then got hit upside the head with a bout of postpartum depression, i can say that it was something that scared living sh*t out of me…  the insane irrational thoughts that went through my head about myself, the baby, etc… i have never been so scared in my life about the things that i was thinking and might have done to myself or to mila…  there were a few factors that helped me out of this “funk” – 1. ed (thank god he was so patient and understanding with the things i was going through), 2. my family (they allowed me to have my time alone to mourn my old life, get into my groove into my new life), 3. the baby and me support group (the mothers and the facilitator really made me feel as if i wasn’t going crazy and was not the only person feeling what i was feeling…. )  & 4. my friends (who allowed me to cry and moan and bitch and vent about how i hated my new “life” and they still stood by me nonetheless) 

well i pasted an exerpt of what the so-called dr. tom cruise said about postpartum depression…  you can make your decisions about what you think… but for me, i dislike him even more than ever… 

“Speaking of the controversial religion, Brooke Shields is firing back at Cruise after he criticized her for taking Paxil for postpartum depression following the birth of her daughter, Rowan.

“There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that,” Dr. Tom said last week on Access Hollywood (Scientologists, you see, aren’t big on the whole head-shrinking thing). “But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things.”

Shields didn’t take kindly to the megastar’s One-a-Day advice. “Tom Cruise’s comments are irresponsible and dangerous,” she said last week (via the London Times). “Tom should stick to saving the world from aliens and let women who are experiencing postpartum depression decide what treatment options are best for them.”

you go brooke shields!!! 

i saw this picture on a website for a doula in the bay area.. it made me laugh so much because knowing my luck, mila would probably do something similar…  she has tried to latch onto my mom when she was holding the lil’ pumpkin…  and my mother immediately informed miss mila that “the factory is closed….”  she’s tried to latch onto my best friend, her godmother liberty…  and it kind of freaked lib out…  so i can only imagine if we were in a museum and mila saw a statue with boobies a-blazing that she would try to see if she could suck some milk out of the statue boobies… LOL… 

other than that, trying to figure out what to do for this long weekend…  i’m thinking that i might take her to the oakland zoo this monday…  might go swimming with shortie at a friend’s house on saturday..  sunday maybe we’ll just chill since ed and i have an optometrist appointment… 

i just bought father’s day gifts for ed…  he lost the money clip i got for him from tiffany’s so i just picked up another one online…  it’s the 1837 one they have online and i also got it engraved with his initials.. i think it looks really classy…  i also got him a slim wallet from sharper image that he can carry his id, credit cards and some money for everyday use… it’s made of leather and has a clear pocket for his id…  i think it was a good price at $39…  now all i have to do is purchase a gift for my dad.. i was thinking of getting him a book called why i love grandpa and sign it from mila the short pants… i saw it at the target…  plus i need to get the book why i love grandma for my mom since i didn’t get a chance to get her a gift for mother’s day…  since we’ll all be going down to la during father’s day weekend for my baby sister’s two graduations, i can give the gifts to the family then… yes, two graduations.. she graduates from sociology and japanese… 

oh my god.. i’m so pissed at myself… so i decided last weekend that i was going to try and wake up early during the week so i could go work out before i go to work.. it’s been a bit of a challenge to try and find the time to add exercise to my schedule after i get off from work…  i actually did wake up to go to work out.. .spinning class is great cardio and weight loss, etc…  well i changed into my workout clothing and put my cell in my gym bag… went to the refrigerator and got my water bottle with the sport top and threw that in my gym bag too.. when i got to my car to change my shoes from flip flops to sneakers and socks, i noticed that my socks were drenched with water… i took my water bottle out and noticed that top was not fully closed and that my cell was in a puddle of water!!!!    i basically fried the wires in that stupid phone.. thank god i took the initiative to send all the pictures i took of shortie to my personal email accounts.. i would be so upset and sad if i lost those.. the things that i did lose were some voice memos that i took of her talking… but i do have a mini video on my digi cam that i took of her talking on the phone…  i can just re-record some snippets of her talking again elsewhere… so i called cingular and did the whole insurance thing for the phone… thank god i had the foresight to purchase insurance.. lord knows i have wrecked many a phone…  they’re supposed to send me my phone and i should get it within 1 to 2 business days… i think it’ll be more like 2 business days…  anyway, they don’t make the sony ericsson t616 anymore so i’m getting the t637… it looks similar… oh well.. i think i can upgrade my phone soon.. maybe i’ll get the motorola razr.. we’ll see…